bukan

bukan lama tak tulis. hari2 pun aku tulis. tapi sume masuk draft. sebab entry tu ade orang kene kutuk, pastu ade sensitiviti keluarga, pastu sebab otak aku sangat rubbish buat mase ni. i dont know about everyone else, but have u ever felt like sharing stories about whats going on dalam hidup kau. u felt like sharing. SHARING. what u needed that time was a listener. A LISTENER. bukan orang untuk membebel yada yada.

'don't go beyond' Mrs NSP cakap kat aku masa aku tegur dia and becakap-cakap pasal plan ke airport. sebelum tu dia kata yang aku dah besar, and dia tak nak lagi cakap pasal benda-benda yang aku patutnya solve sendiri. that is fine bagi aku. tapi reason aku tegur dia sebab aku nak bercerita. tapi dia da melalut ntah ke mana-mana. aku jadi geram. dia akan drag semua benda bila dia dah start bercakap pasal challenge in life, spoon feed, matured. pastu aku cakap cepat-cepat 'i know what to do!'. dia kata lagi dia da pening nak membebel-bebel ni. aku tak suruh pun dia membebel. aku just bercerita je. like humans do. and she maybe do d same thing. d human thing or the female thing. tetibe die cakap 'i know that u know what to do. but dont go beyond' aku nak je cakap 'have i ever?'. tapi aku just jawab dengan gelak yang sangat tak ikhlas dari sanubari.

i want you to listen to my story, Mrs NSP. aku nak start benda baru. aku nak start bercakap-cakap. aku tak nak diam seribu bahasa dalam kereta. diam atas meja makan. aku taknak kita bercakap just sebab masa tu kita tengah marah-marah and nak tunjuk kuasa veto. u said u always be there. but u never tried to listen words im saying without you interrupting. tapi, if i am really a 'bala' for you like what you said, i will try to limit myself. as long as you happy. as long as you happy.