losing ground

Setiap kali habis sekotak, aku berazam untuk terus berhenti. Tapi sejak dari azam aku tu, aku sudah habiskan empat kotak selepas itu. Omg.. rm40 aku habis cam tu je. Bangang gila!!!

Manusia jenis apa yang sentiasa berazam tapi perlaksanaan terhadap azam hanyalah 20 percent? Loser? Perhaps yes. It might not just ‘perhaps’ anymore. I am a loser.

You have no idea how many times I’ve been fighting with my own self. My mind really has its own mind.  I felt terrible to fight with my own self most of the times. But I know I can’t just abandon my mind. It just a same person as I am. No one knows exactly how I felt except my mind and of course god. I can’t let anything slip without Allah s.w.t knows about it. That is the fact.

Aiyaaa, selalu sangat terasa nak give up, but as I woke up I still doing the same thing. Live by the routine.

Yang benar,

Me and me mind.

undo button

always i found myself wondering about the future. can i blame anyone? of course not. but i always have a thought that everything will b fucking perfect if there is undo button. who can deny that? come on. that is the only thing that the world need now.

sekiranya wujudnya butang undo tu, benda pertama aku buat ialah - AKU AKAN DESTROY BUTTON TU!!

life is not perfect. saat akan terus berdetik. hidup yang akan kita lalui masa depan adalah implikasi kepada perkara yang kita buat di masa sekarang atau masa lepas. undo button tak akan wujud. time travel pun tak akan wujud. if button tu wujud, semua berjanji akan buat dengan lebih baik, mula menghargai mak or abah. so if button undo tu tak wujud, korang boleh senang-senang la jerkah mak pak? cam tu ka. cara hidup sekarang terpaksa kita lalui sebab cara hidup kita yang lepas. kita punya satu peluang setiap saat. kalau tak pandai guna  setiap saat tu, memang la kita harap button undo tu wujud so that kita boleh buat dengan lebih baik de next time.

crazy talk from crazy person who live in crazy town.

Wat deh.... Sentences ke 2 dalam prebius entri adalah sangat sengal punya error. Aku rasa macam baca bahasa kuda. Dont ask what is bahasa kuda.

Aku nak beli selipar, selipar da belubang. Aku susah betul nak pakai kasut. Sume baju mesti nak pakai selipar. Ada kemungkinan kerana pemakaian selipar ni kaki aku semakin lebar. I think so. Ke sebab aku semakin membesar?? That must be d reason. Aku semakin membesar. Dapat gaji nak beli running shoes. Abe pun da membebel. ReZa pun da nak kurus. Erghhh tak boleh jadi

Front office macam da kecoh yang aku nak kawen taon depan. What deh sekali lagi. Sape ntah buat cite. I dont know how the hell dey got such feelings. Cause ol i can tell bout me future is single with a adopted child.

oh friends.

sometimes diorang suka buat plan sendiri. lain kali if nak buat plan sendiri please lah jangan nak paksa ikut orang plan kau pulak kan. macam ini punya orang pun ada kan. do you really think its all about you? well, it is NOT when kau involve kan orang lain jugak. aiyoo, kami bukan terlahir untuk ikut awak sahaja ok shah? oppssy daisy... kantoi sudah. ye, membebel pasal shah.

breaking dawn part 1 tomorrow bebeh!!?!!

i want to watch it bcoz aku dah abeskan novel series tu. what can i conclude is 'that is fucking ridiculous!!'. writer macam bertungkus lumus untuk abeskan cerita tu in one novel. so benda yang macam 'gila bongok' wajiblah berlaku. well, to me ia adalah 'gila bongok', bagi orang lain maybe 'boleh diterima logik akal'. well we'll see.

tapi macam harry poter series, ending novel n movie lain. so maybe ade la kot lain sikit

p/s just have to write bcox im so in a good mood. heee :D
ketemu kembali kawan 3 tahun. hes becoming more n more charming with his imperfection. maybe it just bcox im soooo easy to adapt with reality and me think flaws what makes the persons are. crazy talk.

Trip

Melaka done bebeh. Glad i didnt tag along big baby with me like d plan was.

Next trip - either terengganu or singapore. But brunei macam best ja!!

im gone

i miss my family. like a lot. but they didnt know bout it. balik rumah, i tot boleh borak2 dengan angah. guessed im wrong. she with her salty and sulky face. she wont answer my question but i have to answer all of her questions. and if do the same, i am the bad guy. im a troubled, they say. yes i am when all of u keep on sucking what best in me and left me when i have nothing else but this lonely feeling. i really am tired with this. im about to giving up. i want to starts over again. find a small room somewhere and do my things like i used to do last time.

more sins

ive been bitchy this few days. i think this whole week ive been bitchy to everyone. it got nothing to do with my flu, cough or whatever.

i know the job that i have now its not up to the 'standard' answers when someone asked you 'what are you doing for living?'. even this occupation of mine is still a job at the end of the day. all i need to do is to bare with the shift thingy. people make fun of me when they know i dont have Sunday off day. what the heck man?! seriously, if sunday means tido sampai pukul 2 petang, xpelah i dont mind pon. i can sleep until 2 on weekdays. and hell no u cant do that on d weekdays unless u r on medical leave.

i have night shifts. so once in a while i have to work around 11pm to 7am job. balik rumah tido for a few hours, then i got the whole day to day my things and back to sleep until 10pm then go to work once again. as for me, i need to sleep before i can do anything else. i think everyone pun cam tu. but somehow someone doesnt give a shit about that. all they want me to do is cover their ass without thinking anything.

here is the whole story; (im just so cross, i just had to blog about this thing)

i need to work late night shift next weekend. so one of my family members who decided not to talk to me this whole week suddenly think i am just the perfect lame person to cover up her shit at this Amcorp Mall flea market. so she called my handphone and called my work place. wuu... she do sounds desperate. so after few hours i decide to call back. and i did. then i wished i didnt.

she asked me what time ill be working on 13/11. i said 'night shift, why?'.
'i need to go to ipoh la. can u help me taking care of my stuff on that day?'

Amcorp mall flea market around 9 or 10 am and finish at 6pm. the table need to be set up and blablabla

'i work night shift on that day'
'ya i know so u can choose whether to help me in the morning or in the afternoon'

what??!!!!

'i work night shift that weekend'
'ya, so its up to you to help me in the morning or in the afternoon'

what???!!!!

'i cant decide right now'
'when can u gimme answer?'

what???!!!!

i know we are family and stuff. but u were the one who started this cold war last week and now u push everything to me. real nice and real steel of heart you have. idk if my hormone make me dis emotional, or i really am sick about this. this is not the first time fyi. i know my job is nothing to you, but this job keep me sane all these while. how can i respect that stupid-flea-market-which-dont-even-make-profit-that-you-only-do-for-weekends of yours if you cant even try to understand this thing i do for living.